I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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