All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
