I think im going to throw up on grandma
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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