There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
