either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
meet me or not, i'm out of control
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
