Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
