I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
