He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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