Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
