I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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