Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
