4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize