Your tits are I can't wait for
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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