I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
