My underwear smells like fireworks.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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