How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
