His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
