Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
