i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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