So drunk its hurt
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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