I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
