And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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