At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
