he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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