great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
