Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
