that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
