Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
