Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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