Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
