Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
