Where did you get a picture of my penis
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
