good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
