you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
