when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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