I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
