Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize