2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
