Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
