I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
