I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
