feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
