i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
