I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
