Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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