im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
