Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize