how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
