It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's like heaven, but drunker
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
