Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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