If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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