Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
