don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
