She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize