Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
