whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
