I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
