Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize