ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
