I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize