She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
