maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Randomize
