His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
