I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
