I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
