drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
