a search helicopter?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
