Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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