I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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