ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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