Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
