I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They took my balls.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I love you.
Bad choice
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
