THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
