Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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