god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
