U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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