How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
