My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
