i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
