i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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