Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
