You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
