textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I love how my cats smell like pot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
