Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
