One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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