so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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