I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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