Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
