i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
