we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize