I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
