hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
