I accidentally had phone sex last night
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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