My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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