Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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