omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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