I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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