After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
