Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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