did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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