Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
