Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
